fearlessstories.com

You can take it with you. Your comfort zone, that is. You know, that cozy place that all these books and seminars and gurus keep telling you to leave. Leaving is scary, so sometimes even if you claim to be seeking “discomfort” (oof), maybe you really aren’t. But see, a zone is like a territory, or like a country. And the thing about leaving your comfort zone is that you’re not a tourist, visiting these risky new places for a little while and then retreating back home. No, you’re an imperialist, putting forth a considerable effort to extend your borders over an area that wasn’t always yours. There’s a reason that board game is called Risk. But once that happens, your zone is bigger, and you are comfortable doing more things. You can survive job interviews. Extreme sports. Awkward social situations. What I find people forget to tell you about leaving your comfort zone is that you’re not supposed to return to it, wipe your sweaty brow and say “phew, well that was ultimately healthy, I’m sure. Now to never do it again.” The idea is to make the uncharted realm the newest part of your zone and say “I don’t necessarily have to come back here again, but at least I know I probably can if I want to.” Always making an effort to test yourself is important, but don’t forget to take stock of where you are, and how your recently contested comforts are developing. fearlessstories.com

This was the first question posed at the 3-day program called FeMBA (a mini-MBA for women entrepreneurs) I attended with Seth Godin at the beginning of last month. I was stumped. He was asking it in the context of my business, but I cannot address that question one-dimensionally. Like most working women I know, my whole life is intertwined in who I am and what I do. I want a career. I want to have an impact. I want to accomplish something significant. I want to be independent. I want to love and be loved. I want to be there for my children when they are sick/need cupcakes/want to be read to. I want to be a role model for my daughter. I want to be my son’s best friend. I want to work hard with amazing people. I want to go on vacation with my husband. I want to make lots of money. I want to do yoga. I want to connect amazing people. I want a lot. So to ask me that question…to ask how I might create a business that can enable all my dreams and desires is difficult and scary – I am having a hard time wrapping my head around a job that will enable all of it. But I am not one to avoid the scary path. The real question for me is what do I want to do first? And then next? And then have faith that the how will follow.  And I do.

So first up:  I want to connect all of you to each other.  You with me?

Thank you, Seth, for the gift of you, your questions, your ideas, and for connecting me with my new posse of FeMBA Phenoms.

FYI – for highlights of the FeMBA program, go here.

So I was a little good in between the badness…I worked out both days I was home.  And I braved seeing my dear Ken-doll trainer, Ryan (seriously…could play Ken in the movie, if there was one). And I worked HARD!  I took care of myself by eating my (good) carbs before working out and I made it through with no shakes and no drama.  I packed my bags with the intention of fitting in a least a walk along the bay or maybe a yoga class with a friend.

But my dear friend Wine was invited to the party each of the nights I was there.  And I couldn’t turn her down.  She’s so lovely and smooth and she slips in so easily you almost don’t notice her.  But the next day you remember she was there.  She left an impression.

I only had one real opportunity to work out, but that idea went out as fast as it blew in.  So here I am, a week later from my last session with Ryan, with no progress or activity to report.

Am I bad?  Or did I just take a week off?  I’m going with the latter because I’ve already scheduled in all my workouts for the coming week and I know I’m going to hit them.  But it’s very hard to shake off the guilt, and I feel like a bit of a fraud.  Stick with me folks – I swear I’m in it for the long run.

You see, your body needs food in order to fuel it, so that it can burn the fat.  It’s the short-term flame starter it needs in order to access all the stuff that you are trying to get rid of.

The reason why he told me this?  Well, because I was sitting on the floor with my head between my knees praying to not toss my cookies and/or pass out.  You see, I did NOT eat carbs, or for that matter, anything before my uber-intense baptism-by-fire first training session today.  Ryan believes that strength training can and should be a cardio workout.  And he set out to prove it to me.

So after one “trail” set (three machines – two upper and one lower body – what he calls a “Mega-set”) and three “for real” sets, I found myself on the floor, quitting for the day, worried that I might not make it home.

And the only reason is because I didn’t take the time to eat something.  As typical of me, I scheduled something up to the minute before, and forgot to eat.  I ate a small breakfast, but it was 5 hours before, and wasn’t quite providing the nutrition needed for Ryan’s Mega Set.

So the challenge is 1) do NOT let this discourage me – I am on a mission to do well by myself and my fitness goals, and this setback cannot stop me 2) tweak the plan (again) and make sure I am planning my meals along with the weekly workout schedule.

I am finding that my biggest obstacle, the thing that will most limit me and lead me to failure, is lack of preparation and planning.  This includes setting aside the time for working out (and eating) as well as preparing my bags so they are ready and/or my kids stuff so they do not make me late, as well as informing my husband, nanny, etc. ahead of time of what I need in order to workout.  Whew.  It’s a lot.  The issue right now is that I have no routine.  I strongly desire one, but feel very uncomfortable committing – I mean, what if a client can ONLY meet during the time I “blocked” out for yoga?  I am so hesitant to put that time aside for me, just in case someone might need me…

…and then of course, the workout doesn’t happen, because it wasn’t planned for.  Or at a minimum I am late/undernourished/rushed/passing out/only have 20 minutes etc.

Carbs are Good.  I must eat.  I must take care of me first.  I WILL set a schedule and I will make my appointments around it.  Yes.  See you next week Ryan.

I recently watched The Suicide Tourist on PBS, which chronicles a high school classmate of mine’s father’s (Craig Ewert’s) journey to obtain an assisted suicide after being diagnosed with ALS.  I tuned in because I personally knew the family and had been alerted about it on Facebook.

I was moved by the story of a family dealing with losing their father.  I lost my own mother a few years ago and I know what hardship it is to lose a parent early in life.

However, instead of being sad at the end of the film, I was in awe.  I was blown away by the strength of their family (this coming from someone with a very strong family) and their ability to be courageous in the face of very, very harsh criticism.  Watching the film, reading the articles and the son’s Facebook posts filled me with pride from just barely being associated with this family.

I am so impressed by the Ewart family, and will use their story as a reminder of what real courage is.  And what a strong support system can do.  Thank you, thank you Ewerts.  I am so sorry for your loss, and I am so happy to know you.

However, there’s a different kind of fear that can creep up and debilitate you without ever raising its flag to indicate to you the level of importance of something.  This fear is so tricky that you wouldn’t even call it fear.   You call it “rules” or “conservative estimates” or “wise criticism”.  This fear is fueled by what other people think, or more accurately what you THINK other people will think.

Yesterday I was on a panel at the Columbia Women In Business Conference discussing starting a start-up.  All the panelists were asked to give our “60-second Elevator Pitch” to kick off the panel.  The night before, my debilitating fears, or what I call my “Gremlins” drove me to review my elevator pitch, outline what I was going to say, and fret about how good the others would be and what they would think of mine.

As I sat waiting my turn to “pitch” I observed everyone following the rules – they politely and professionally passed the microphone from panelist to panelist and gave their succinct pitch.  They were good.  I was scared.   And miraculously, my stomach started churning and I thought “WAIT!  This is super-important!  I need to do what I need to do here, not what I think others need me to do!”  When I got the mic, I stood up and asked everyone to put their feet flat on the ground and close their eyes for a few seconds.  I asked them to imagine what their life would be like 5 years from now – who they were with, what they were doing, what they were feeling.  When they opened their eyes I told them “This is what I do – I help people and organizations get from where they are today to where they want to be. ”   and passed the mic on to the next panelist. I broke the rules, but I knew everyone would walk away not only knowing exactly what I did, but who I am.

In that moment I saw clearly the difference between debilitating fear (gremlins) and motivating fear (passion) and reconfirmed that I needed to stop listening to the ones that come from my head, and pay very close attention to the ones that come from my heart.